It's going to be a bad week. Lots of medical activities on the calendar, starting tomorrow with a visit to the diabetic doctor in the afternoon. This will include a weigh in, which won't be pretty after the bronchitis filled year of 2006 that prevented hardly any exercising. Now that I'm not coughing constantly, I began using the ski machine last week, but it's barely made a dent, though my jeans are a bit looser. I'll go down to the hospital for blood tests after leaving the doctor's office, but i don't mind that. There's even a large aquarium in the waiting room.

    Friday is my rescheduled colonoscopy, so Thursday I'll be on clear liquids only & in the evening must drink that harsh laxative that tastes like metal & burns through my system. Ick! It's in a huge gallon jug & at least half of it must be consumed. Friday morning is the colonoscopy itself, which I'm trying not to get hysterical about like I usually do. This will be the fourth or fifth time of having it done & I'm a wreck every time. My anxiety burns off the drugs that are supposed to put me to sleep, so hopefully the doctor will give me extra. I'm still never out the entire time. The last time I was actually making music requests during the procedure. The doctor usually has a CD on while he does stuff & evidently I thought Enya would be just the ticket. At least I wasn't divulging any deep, dark secrets.

   Well, I must hop on the ski machine for today's session, maybe I'll lose 20 pounds this time around? In my dreams!

    Recently one of my game sites introduced Tablut to their lineup & I've become obsessed with it. Easy to learn, with white having only 12 rooks(castles) and black having  8 rooks & a king, who must make it to one of the dark corner squares to win. White must block it and take all black pieces to win. But there's a myriad of strategies employed. This game predates chess, but is less complicated, so I may be able to improve. If you'd like to play it, just sign up for free at www.itsyourturn.com & look for my user name(same as here) if you'd like me for an opponent.

   Tuesday was my local book discussion group and several members had lunch at IHOP before the meeting. Despite the restaraunt not being busy, it took a half hour for them to make pancakes & a couple omelettes for us. We had to rush through our meals(I brought half of mine home) and were still late for our meeting. Setting the luncheon time an hour & a half before the meeting should've given us enough time. Sloppy service, is what it was.

   Though about half the group disliked the book, Zadie Smith's "On Beauty", it still led to a lively discussion. I thought it was a good book, some of the characters I really liked & I was pleased to hear others also mention which were their favorite people in it. The book had been my suggestion, after seeing the author interviewed on Charlie Rose & reading good reviews.

    It's been really cold & snowy this week in Cleveland. Temperatures a little below freezing & lots of wind. Today it was picking up the snow & swirling it around like mini tornadoes. Lake effect snow has been plentiful too, a type that is created when moisture passes over Lake Erie & falls in a certain pattern on land. Mainly big flakes falling thickly.

   Because of that, I keep avoiding going out into such weather, delaying my trip to the library, though I've only 1 book left. But Rufus needs lettuce & I need a prescription, so I'll have to gather my courage & venture out, bundled up like a short snowperson.

   I've been thinking about death a lot lately. It's probably because of 2 books I recently read. One was a biography of Edward Gorey, the author/artist  best known for the cartoon opening of the PBS 'Mystery' program.His writings & drawings had a dark humor that I enjoyed. He lived a long, full life and accomplished many things.

   The other book was the last writings of Spalding Gray, another eccentric, but one who turned them into fabulous monologues such as "Swimming to Cambodia" and "Monster in a Box" as well as acting in movies & plays. He had been in a car accident, which left him with a leg brace & brain damage, leading to severe depression & many suicide attempts. He finally succeeded in comitting suicide by throwing himself off a ferry one January night & his body wasn't found for 2 months. It was a disturbing ending for a brilliant man. I know that lots of things factored into his depression, including the fact that a fit & active man could no longer participate & so many of the things he used to do. His mother had committed suicide as well, which haunted him. I wish he hadn't passed that sort of memory onto his own children.

   Suicide is the last resort for someone who feels things will never improve. I considered it myself in my teens & early twenties. It was loneliness that was driving me there. Thankfully, things have improved drastically in that area, I have lots of friends online & some in real life, too. My mother used to threaten suicide when my sister & I were children, it's technique people with Borderline Personality Disorder use. As my mother has gotten elderly, she no longer says this anymore, perhaps because death looms too close already. Some years ago, there was a friendly guy in an office supply store who I secretly liked & when he hadn't been at work for a few days, I asked about him & was referred to the manager, who told me he had rigged up a hose into his car to kill himself. I talked to his roommate & wrote condolances to his mom, it was weird getting to know him so much better after he'd died, when it was too late.

    In looking up further info on Spalding Gray, I discovered a website devoted to obituaries called  blogofdeath It not only honors celebrities, but everyday people as well; a security guard tryng to save someone, a teen who died trying to save cats in a burning house, etc. There's all sorts of links & info on related topics; it's dark, but not spooky. It was nice to see that one didn't have to be famous to be missed.

   Today is the day celebrating A.A. Milne's creation of that "funny little, silly little bear" and all who live in Hundred Acre Woods. Like many children, I was introduced to that world as a youngster, but even as an adult have t-shirts with Pooh and pals on. My favorite has always been Piglet, because I can relate to being short & wimpy. The word 'blustery' always instantly brings to mind Pooh hanging onto a balloon on a windy day. I even have the philosophy book "The Tao of Pooh" and it's sequel.

    Disney corrupted the story somewhat in it's modern cartoons, eliminating Kanga & her baby, Roo, in favor of a non-authentic male character. Why does Disney prefer a world without mothers? It's very strange.

   Anyways, I've always liked the idea of a cozy woodland inhabited by stuffed animals come to life. It's soothing and makes the perfect escape, no matter what age one is.  

 In praise of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

 A man who truly changed the world.

Who left us all too soon.

Live The Dream.

  One of my Christmas gifts was a book "Cleveland:1796-1929" by Thea Gallo Becker which is an overview of the history of my home town and filled with pictures, mostly old photographs. It's part of a series covering many aspects of this city & surrounding suburbs. It's a splendid book & I've spent hours studying it. I'm thrilled that I don't have to take this one back to the library.

   But it does point out a dichotomy in my personality. I'm fascinated with history, though I dislike humans as a species. And what is history but the actions of humans over time? I'm riveted by old photos of places: buildings, vehicles, scenery, yet  less interested in people sitting for portraits, though their clothes are worth noticing. It's ironic that I don't spend time "going down memory lane" in my own life, nor looking at old photos of my own, unless I'm concentrating on an animal in one. I suppose it's because my own life has been extremely dull as well as painful, so I have no wish to be reminded. Antique pictures allow room for the imagination to explore & explain.

   I never have wanted to exist in any time period but my own, since "the good old days" were good to no one but white males. And even they were powerless against wars and diseases. Through reading & pictures, one can indulge in the adage "it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there."

  Every year Lousiana State University Veterinary School has their "International Exhibit on Animals in Art". It's a juried show, where judges decide who gets in & I've been in it twice. This year I felt I had some strong contenders, so I put my entries on CD and mailed them off yesterday. One of the entries is the "Sparrow Tapestry" seen on the profile pic at left, the other is "Reptilian Rainbow" below, which some of you may recall from a post last August. They are both small pictures, so if accepted, won't cost much to ship. The judge's decidion will be mailed out in a few weeks, I'll let you know when I hear anything.

  Spent the last few days taking down all of the holiday decorations, prior to packing them away. Everything looks so blah now, without the sparkle of the tinsel & lights. And why do the tree lights tangle up no matter how one tries to remove them from the tree? Why can't they roll up neatly like garland? Then there's the challenge of getting all those bushy artificial tree limbs back in the box.

   I was sad to dismantle my card display, which is on the door of this room, right by the computer, so I can enjoy them throughout the holiday season. I didn't get as many this year, but they were larger cards, so they still covered the door. Not only did I get cards from all over the U.S., but also Greece, Australia, Finland, Germany, Scotland, England and France, which was a new place this year. I really like seeing all of the artwork & languages on the varied cards, it's one of my favorite things about that time of year, getting greetings from all over the globe.

 Usually I don't make resolutions, but this year I've made two. 1.)Exercise more & lose weight. I know this is the most common resolution, which doesn't make me feel special at all, but it needs to be done. Normally I lose weight in the summer because of bicycling, but this year the bronchitis kept me from riding & so I gained weight instead. It was 10 pounds, but looks like more. The arthritis in my hips is getting really painful & extra weight makes any kind of arthritis worse, so hopefully losing some will help. Plus, it's not good for my diabetes. While my glucose is in the normal range most of the time, losing weight can't hurt. I also feel better about myself when I'm less chubby. 2.) Be a better correspondent. I'm terrible about keeping in touch with people, even though I always intend to answer emails, I don't consistantly follow through. Some of my reasons for not writing are valid; grumpiness, angry or not feeling well aren't good frames of mind for composing letters. But playing online chess instead of writing emails is irresposible. I need to divide my time better. I have lots of friends & aquaintences that probably think I don't care about them because I seldom write. I need to fix that.

    Having only 2 makes it less daunting and I've been lightly exercising since before Christmas anyways, so that's a start. If I get off track after awhile, I won't abandon the plan, just get focused again. Since I haven't made resolutions in years, maybe the novelty of it will help. If any of you have made resolutions too this year, I wish you luck with them as well.