I've been thinking about death a lot lately. It's probably because of 2 books I recently read. One was a biography of Edward Gorey, the author/artist best known for the cartoon opening of the PBS 'Mystery' program.His writings & drawings had a dark humor that I enjoyed. He lived a long, full life and accomplished many things.
The other book was the last writings of Spalding Gray, another eccentric, but one who turned them into fabulous monologues such as "Swimming to Cambodia" and "Monster in a Box" as well as acting in movies & plays. He had been in a car accident, which left him with a leg brace & brain damage, leading to severe depression & many suicide attempts. He finally succeeded in comitting suicide by throwing himself off a ferry one January night & his body wasn't found for 2 months. It was a disturbing ending for a brilliant man. I know that lots of things factored into his depression, including the fact that a fit & active man could no longer participate & so many of the things he used to do. His mother had committed suicide as well, which haunted him. I wish he hadn't passed that sort of memory onto his own children.
Suicide is the last resort for someone who feels things will never improve. I considered it myself in my teens & early twenties. It was loneliness that was driving me there. Thankfully, things have improved drastically in that area, I have lots of friends online & some in real life, too. My mother used to threaten suicide when my sister & I were children, it's technique people with Borderline Personality Disorder use. As my mother has gotten elderly, she no longer says this anymore, perhaps because death looms too close already. Some years ago, there was a friendly guy in an office supply store who I secretly liked & when he hadn't been at work for a few days, I asked about him & was referred to the manager, who told me he had rigged up a hose into his car to kill himself. I talked to his roommate & wrote condolances to his mom, it was weird getting to know him so much better after he'd died, when it was too late.
In looking up further info on Spalding Gray, I discovered a website devoted to obituaries called blogofdeath It not only honors celebrities, but everyday people as well; a security guard tryng to save someone, a teen who died trying to save cats in a burning house, etc. There's all sorts of links & info on related topics; it's dark, but not spooky. It was nice to see that one didn't have to be famous to be missed.
