I went to a craft show at my old high school today. Hadn't been back there since I graduated, so I was apprehensive about my response. High school was worse for me than most people, the last 2 years I was suicidally lonely. The friends I had in the first 2 years had stopped talking to me for unexplained reasons & I became invisible. No one mistreated me, but I could go through days where no one talked to me, unless it was a teacher calling on me in class. The isolation wore on me over the months & my dysfunctional family  made things worse. I had no refuge, no place of warmth. I drew and dreamed and cried.I spent hours taking long walks, trying to outrun my misery. A month before graduation I ended up in the hospital with u.colitis, which I still have. One of the theoretical causes of it is stress. It's surprising I didn't get it, or something like it, much earlier.
   So you see why I was nervous about returning to the building that held so much angst. But I dealt with it better than I thought. It was interesting to see what had changed, as there was a major remodeling done a few years ago.The main part of the building hasn't changed that much, though I noticed the classrooms are more decorated & have bookcases & computers in. One room had a giant papier-mache orca hanging from the ceiling, which I was impressed with.There's a lot more emphasis on sports now, the main hall is lined with trophy cases.The school library was closed, but through the door I could see very few books, just rows of tables with computers.Surely there are some books in there?
    The craft show was disappointing, mainly because the quality was mixed. There used to be a waiting list to be in that show, but apparently those days are gone, because there was a smattering of tables filled with manufactured goods such as Tupperware. No paintings at all, but tons of jewelry. Tons! Probably between 1/3 to half of the show was beads & jewelry. way too much. There was some nice decorative/holiday crafts, handblown glass, sewn items. If only more of the show had been to that standard, it would've been better. I bought an emboideried bookmark for myself & a tiny teddy bear sitting on a snowflake for my mom (who thought it was really cute!).
    But the main thing was putting some ghosts to rest, which I feel like I've done. It won't change the memories, but at least I know I can face them with some sort of peace and wisdom.