June 2, 2018

• while my mother is in the hospital

  Over Memorial day weekend, my mom became extremely confused and paranoid and also grew physically weaker. It was quite sudden, so it didn't seem like her dementia got worse. I thought it was a UTI, but my mom refused to give a sample so it could be diagnosed. By Tuesday, my sister & I decided to have her taken to the hospital via ambulance, since we can't get her down the flights of stairs in the apt. building. She was checked into the ICU & they did all kinds of tests. Their diagnosis ranged from pneumonia, to UTI and then to her heart, we still really don't know what caused the sudden symptoms. She improved enough to be moved to a regular floor by Thursday afternoon, which confused her, but she eventually settled in. Then on Friday night, she started having diarrhea and though they ruled out the C.Diff infection, was still going on Saturday and isn't being treated.It's dangerous for an elderly person to get dehydrated & how can she not be with that going on for almost 24 hours? I argued with the nurse in charge of her room to no avail. My sister is going there after work and will hopefully spur them to action, as she's an RN herself and knows what they ought to be doing.
  The plan originally was to send our mom to a nursing/rehab place to build up her strength after being released from the hospital. My sister & I have been pouring over lists and reviews of nearby nursing homes to decide where to send her. We have a first choice, but it's a small facility which may not have a room available, so the second & third choices are proving difficult. This whole plan may be delayed until our mom is stabilized.
  I've been going in everyday to visit my mom. She can't see well enough to watch Tv or do puzzles, sewing, etc. so I know visits will break up her day. If my sister is off, we go together, but usually she's been going after work. The day after she was admitted, she didn't recognize me at first & was mostly out of it. But as time goes on, she is more lucid & interactive, though she's usually sleepy in late afternoon, so I leave so she can take a nap.
  It's a bit strange here in the apartment without her. It took a couple days to stop going into her room to ask if I could do something for her or what did she want for supper and readjusting for the lack of her presence. My mom & I have often had a contentious relationship over time, but the last couple of years as I've become her major caretaker, I've had to learn to let some things just roll over me, as arguing just makes things tense all around & doesn't really solve anything at this point. I try to savor the moments when things are going well between us and ignore the nasty remarks that she sometimes makes. Same thing with the nonsensical comments. It's been hard learning all sorts of skills that don't come naturally to me, but the end result is that I feel less guilty and angry.
  At this point, I'd just like my mom to be stabilized and as pain free as possible. She's 90 and getting frailer all the time, so things need to be the best they can for her.

  • 9:54 pm
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