Last winter when I first heard about Covid-19, the coronavirus, I was worried. I even asked my dr. about it in late January. As it spread around the world, it was obvious it would reach North America, but I was surprised at the speed of it once it hit our shores.
It was difficult to absorb how completely it was changing society. Part of what makes it hard for us to come to terms with such a threat, is that nowadays we are so used to having a pill or a shot or some type of medical procedure to combat disease. This one we don’t and it’s hard for modern humans to comprehend that point. But through most of human history there have been all sorts of illnesses which could kill us or damage us and there was no cure. Not just the big things such as the Plague, but also things like polio, typhoid, cholera. And ones that we barely know what they are anymore, such as diphtheria. At least now, we have some understanding of what causes Covid and there is progress towards treatment, though it may be far off.
As time has gone on, the severity of the situation sunk in for nearly everyone. People seemed to regress to an earlier version of humanity. I found echoes of behavior from the Black Plague, best described in Barbara Tuchman’s book “A Distant Mirror”. Some people turned to miracle cures, others got more religious, some of us became obsessed with learning all we could about it. A certain segment is in denial or are carousing, as if the danger doesn’t exist. It would make a fascinating study for a sociologist.
Though I’m not elderly, I have enough health conditions to give me a bingo card full of vulnerabilities. At first I had trouble coming to grips with the sheer terror that I would die if I caught it. I wouldn’t even put any library ebooks on hold, because I wasn’t sure if I would be around to read them. I made a handwritten will and arrangements for caring for my guinea pig, Rollo, if something happened. For awhile, I couldn’t even make plans for more than the immediate future, since everything was so uncertain. I went into isolation sooner than most and unlike many people, consider my apartment not as a prison, but as a safe space.
The last day I went anywhere was on Friday, March 13th, an auspicious date. I went to the pet shop to get food for Rollo. I wish I had gotten some takeout, since I’ve been cooking all of my own meals since then. I can’t get brave enough to have anything delivered. I change clothes and wear a mask to get the mail, which I only do every couple of weeks. I’ve taken the garbage out to the bin a few times. My car battery is dead because I wasn’t going out to start it often enough. I don’t want to call AAA, so I’m trying to find a reasonably priced battery charger that I can use myself without another car. My sister brings my groceries and medications to my apartment door and I wipe them down with disinfectant wipes. I’m taking every precaution I can to stay safe.
Part of me wonders why I bother, as I’m not really contributing much to the world except a few paintings and book reviews, which would not be missed. So why am I taking up space? But of course, to each of us, our existence is precious, as it’s the only one we have, even if it doesn’t always live up to expectations.
My life hasn’t changed that much in quarantine, as previously I’d only gone out a few times per week. I do miss going to lunch with my sister, something we did several times per month. I’m not bored, as I have plenty of interests and always did spend a lot of time reading and painting, along with other solitary hobbies. As long as I have internet access, I can communicate with people, even if it’s not as often as I’d wish.
With the possibility of a vaccine and/or treatment some ways in the distance, quarantine for us vulnerables could go on for months, a prospect I try not to think too hard about. I hope that conditions for entertaining myself remain stable and that my mindset will bear with it. I reassure myself that losing a year in quarantine and going on to have other, more productive years is better than getting sick and losing all of them. That’s the current version of thinking positive and right now, it seems like enough.