This is normally the time that one looks back on the year just past & evaluates it, but I've been resisting, because the general feeling of it for me was one of disappointment. Sickness prevented me from doing much, a good deal of the summer was spent stuck in the house because of my foot injury.There was weeks I couldn't get a shoe on. Then there was a number of flare ups of u.colitis & bronchitis, not a good year health wise.
   The worst thing that happened was losing Rufus. It took me a long time to come to grips with that, even after I had gotten my new piglet, Dora. She is so different that it was hard to adjust to at first.
    But to count my blessings, a lot of good stuff happened with my art; not only were sales up, but I made a small leap in technical proficiency, so my paintings are better.I did more paintings than last year, even though one of them took literally 6 months.
   In other areas, I got high speed internet connection, won an iPod because of it, got some neon tetras(tropical fish) that I've always wanted, lost some weight, did some kitty sitting, met a lot of new people on Twitter, read 163 books(mostly good ones), reconnected with people  & relatives on Facebook, went to an alpaca conference & an outdoor antiques show. Nothing big, but I'm trying to be positive, remember?
    So that was my year. I trust yours was more exciting. Now, let's hope 2010 is better for everyone.

     Dora and I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

    It's a holiday, so my mother is on the warpath. My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is sort of like BiPolar without the highs & it gets worse around any holiday. Christmas last longer and brings more nastiness, mood swings, demands & general crabbiness. She revs up the "Bah Humbug" as far as it will go. She's always been like this, only worsening as she ages.
   My sister & I don't have warm holiday memories. We didn't bake cookies, didn't have company or go to parties, no visiting relatives, no church services, no normal Christmas activities.When carolers came by the house, we had to play nobody home, because my mom said they expected to come in & receive money. I still don't know if that's true or not. We were always poor, so the presents were few & not extravagant, never a bike or Barbie doll. Even putting up the tree led to huge arguments, my mother running out of patience & throwing the ornaments & decorations across the room, often breaking them beyond repair. Christmas Day was more fights between my mom & stepfather and tense silences afterwards. This went on year after year. Her own Depression era childhood left her with memories of family gatherings & special foods. Her adult holidays can't compare & she resents that. My sister & I don't even have happy childhood memories to look back on.She never made any.
    I like Christmas; the music, the decorations, the original Bible story.I start playing Christmas songs right after Thanksgiving, go to craft shows, spend several days putting up the tree & trimmings. Seeing decorations on houses when I'm out makes me smile. I watch some childrens' specials, Rudolph & the like. I really get into the season.
  But it's like swimming upstream against the gloom of my mother's moods. Coming home after the festivity of a craft show to her screaming because I didn't get something at the store  she forgot to tell me about. With her emphysema & vertigo, it's difficult for her to get out & do things,so I'm the one doing all her gift shopping as well as my own, the errands, library visits, multiple grocery shopping & post office trips. And though I would never expect thanks, I would like her to stop griping now & then and to cut down on the nasty remarks.

   A well-meaning friend told me that I would miss all of this when my mom is gone, but I find that hard to believe. Why would I miss someone belittling me, calling me a liar and routinely screaming & throwing things at me? Since she's been like this all my life, I have no warm fuzzy childhood recollections to make up for her current behavior. It's endless situations that make me wince.
    An acquaintance told me of her niece who is 30 yrs. old & has just been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. She has 2 kids, 6 & 12 and I wonder if this will be their last Christmas with their mom. I can't imagine how painful it must be for that family at this time and I hope the kids will have some happy memories in years to come. When I think of that mother & compare her to the years of dark bitterness that my mom has spent her life in, it feels wasteful.
   The moral of the story is: put a little effort into being decent & kind to the people around you. Don't take them for granted and make them feel appreciated once in awhile.

 Last Saturday (the 5th) was the holiday craft show "Christmas in the Barn" in a nearby suburb. I've been in the same spot all 3 years I've participated, which is diagonal from the door, so people can see my booth right off. New for me this year was magnets & color note cards featuring print outs of my artwork. Those, along with original small matted paintings were a big hit, making it the most profitable show I've had in a couple years. The weather was cold, but clear and a good crowd turned out that was serious about shopping. A few friends & repeat customers turned up and a number of people were full of compliments for my work. I felt decent & was in a great mood, so had an enjoyable time. My sister came at the end to help me load the car & even carried stuff up to my apartment. It was an excellent end to an artistically busy year.